Walling it Up

On Monday I will have mailed the check for my last graduate school application. I'm keeping Queens on standby because it's not an MSW program. In a way it'll keep with my coincidental "tradition" of applying to things in threes, haha (Molloy, Cathedral, and Holy Cross for high school; Marist, Siena, And Wells for college; and now NYU, Fordham, and Hunter for graduate school).

I have been incredibly depressed lately. Not having a full time job and having to deal with parents who reject you for being gay is tough, in addition to my inability to get over a romantic rejection (even though it's been four years, J's intermittent presence in my life kept the false hope alive). It's a cruel irony that friends never seem to be around when you have problems.

I don't feel like even going to Church tomorrow. I pray to God to slowly give me an open and compassionate heart for the kind of field I want to enter in a few years, but as far as love of my parents and romantic love goes, I feel my heart slowly closing. I know that sounds a little over the top, but the only way of stopping myself from having a total breakdown is by closing myself off to people who've hurt me so badly.