Don't Fit In

I'm back from my discernment retreat (I was on a discernment retreat for men interested in priesthood and brotherhood this weekend).  It was mostly a good experience and I was grateful for the hospitality of the novices and the sense of fraternity among both the candidates (us) and the novices.  

I had kind of been avoiding meeting with the vocation director most of the weekend, but bumped into him (which I don't think was a coincidence since I had just come down from my room after a frustrating attempt to focus and pray, and just feeling deep desolation) and we had a talk.  We both decided it was best to not discern at this time.  I don't know if he was only putting my application on hold for now, but I think my intention by that point was to completely terminate it. 

Recently, I started going to this religious group for glbt Christians and while many of the people there are generally nice, I feel I don't fit in with gay people in general: the obsession with youth and beauty, people who were a little too upfront about their past sexual experiences, and the general campiness/flamboyance in public places was a little too much for me, more so in a religious setting where I was expecting less of it.

It's kind of a lonely place to be, because I feel I can't completely fit in within the Church nor within a gay environment.  

I don't have the energy to write more so I'll just leave it there.