Aftermath

In the last entry (and at least one or two others) I talked about the idea of discernment; a process which a Jesuit/Ignatian spirituality explains as trying to find how God is present or speaking within any situation (usually but not always a situation that involves a decision). Since we can't literally hear God speak (well some people can but I think that's another topic entirely lol), we notice his presence by detecting, sensing, and feeling the movements within us and how a situation/decision makes us feel.

In a lay or everyday vocabulary we may call that intuition. The idea of applying to one college (because of an "x" factor we can't explain yet attracts us) even though we can make a list about the advantages of choice b is an example of this. It doesn't mean our decisions should be irrational and only emotion based, but discernment calls us to notice these attractions and "x factors" we can't quite put a finger on because it may be God.

In my case, I was questioning why God brought someone from my past back into my life. Actually I wouldn't say God brought the person back, but rather allowed me to bump into the ultimate emotional reminder: the person themself.

On the one hand I deserved it (becareful what you wish for...I wanted to see this person "at least one more time"), on the other hand I think I may be finding some messages here in this reminder that may be from God.

First, it was a totally unexpected encounter. I was going out to the movies with my cousin, and bam there they are. This may be God reminding me that love comes unexpectedly, not so much in the form of this particular person, but someone else.

Second, God may be calling me to focus on the people who love me instead of trying to measure up to the ones that don't. It is a reminder that healthy love happens when two people WANT to be with each other, not when one or both parties feels they HAVE TO be with each other.

It would seem like a cruel way to remind me, so I would probably better venture into saying not that God "created" the encounter, but that He allowed it in order to grant me my wish, regardless of how painful it would be and how He personally might have tried to dissuade me from wishing this (but valued my free will). Even then, He would comfort me in my pain and still help me try to get over this as He has so many times before.

It may be just crazy talk here, but I finally may be starting to listen.