Fantastic Reality

Living in reality seems like such a contradictory thing to say for a religious person, mainly because much of our lives as spiritual people revolves not always on what is front of us, but on what is hoped for or and believed on faith.

However without living in reality we become trapped in the alternative: fantasy. By fantasy I don't mean religion or whatever you have faith for without certainty, but taking what's in front of us and changing it. For example, making oneself famous, good looking, talented, and even changing other people can become a world where we end up trapped.

There's nothing bad about fun daydreaming and I would say there's even merit in thinking about the way we would like things to be because they reveal our desires and give us the drive to pursue them. Listening to music alone makes it inevitable for our minds to travel to all these fantastic places and make it all the more enjoyable, so it's not necessary to go get psychoanalysed just because one likes daydreaming a lot!

However, when one constantly live in fantasy in a way that seems taking over the rest of our lives, one has to ask oneself whether there is a form of escape involved in this and what exactly is the object or situation of escape?

I hate how trite and dramatic this may sound, but if I had to look at the causes behind my retreat into fantasy, I would have to say the object of escape is love. I've had the "damn itch" through high school and college but never met anyone.

While most people my age have been through many relationships (and the learning that comes with them), and many cousins slightly older than me (mid 20s) have even started settling down, I'm terrified of all the "lost time" I would have to make up for and would rather be by myself than have to make up for the lost time or just settle for someone I cared about but wasn't really in love with.

The vocation issue complicates the matter because it comes and goes too rapidly for me to get a hold on it and examine it.

There is a Jesuit/Ignatian concept of discernment that calls us to stop all "the noise" and sit still so that we can (in an intuitive way) try to "sense" how God is moving or "speaking" within given situations in our lives. As much as I have tried recently, it has been hard to reach that stillness and I find myself very much lost as to what direction (direction that goes beyond career/educational goals) to take in my life. For example, how is God speaking to me in a situation where something or someone from the past shows up again in my life?

Right now I'll try to focus on doing what has been long overdue: finding a spiritual director to help me sort the fantasy from the dreams to the desire to the reality of where God is working in my life.